I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
