is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
