He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
