and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
