i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
