i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
