Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
