guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
