so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
