you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
