i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
