when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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