so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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