Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
