Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
