I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
