just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
