every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
