Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
