Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
