So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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