Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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