i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize