sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
