I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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