I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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