she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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