with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
