when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
