i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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