So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
