Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
