apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize