hotel room ftw
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
