so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
