You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
