I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
