I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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