i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
