The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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