I look better un-naked...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
