Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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