Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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