yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize