No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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