Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
