Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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