Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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