4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
