Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
