i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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