Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize