She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
