there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
