I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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