hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize