just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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