"it" just moved
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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