I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
