I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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