the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
