i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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